Steve Pavlina – Page 5

Depth

The way many people approach lifestyle design is often about breadth rather than depth. Add new experiences. Meet new people. Travel to new places. Rinse and repeat.

There’s nothing wrong with this. Breadth is great. But if that’s all you have, most likely you’ll be craving more depth – in your experiences, in your relationships, and in your work.

And:

Depth takes time and patience. It requires consistency and clear decisions. It aligns with many of the same qualities that work for investing.

If you want more depth, think about where you’re willing to invest. Where are you willing to plant some roots? In which ares of life are you willing to nurture investments over a long period of time?

And:

Addictions and other unwanted behaviors can serve as substitutes for depth. A long-term addiction is still an investment. Some people invest in substances or habits that may have negative side effects, but this may still provide a sense of connecting to something deeper, especially relative to other areas of life where long-term investments aren’t being made to the same extent.

And:

Where are you over-investing? Where are you putting in a lot of time and energy, but you aren’t experiencing much depth, fulfillment, and long-term satisfaction in return? Where do you need to withdraw some time and energy and maintain stronger boundaries?

Where are you under-investing? Which areas of life have you been neglecting, denying yourself the long-term, accumulated benefits?

Take a look at your habits, relationships, tech usage, career path, and more. Is the depth where you want it to be? Is the long-term payoff satisfying?

And:

When I see friends in their 70s and beyond who are happy and fulfilled, I pay attention to what fuels their sense of depth. In each case they’re getting the payoff from some form of investment. For some it’s engaging in creative work and contribution. For others it’s the decades-long friendships they’ve maintained. For still others it’s their investment in family. Many benefit from multiple investments across these areas, but even one close friendship can create that effect.

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Vibrational Shift

Steve Pavlina:

It could be said that the vibrational shift is an even greater accomplishment than the external goal. For example, aligning your vibe with abundance can be a greater accomplishment than earning some specific sum of money. Once you’ve integrated the vibe of abundance, your whole life is transformed, not just your finances.

And:

You don’t have to be in perfect 100% alignment to achieve your goal. You just have to make enough shifts such that the overwhelming force is attractive rather than repulsive. But it has to be strong enough to overcome inertia and any repelling forces.

And:

I recommend spending about 10 minutes per day visualizing how your life will be different once you’ve achieved your goal. How will you really think, feel, and behave on the other side of that goal? Try to make as few adjustments as possible to your current vibe, just enough to realistically see yourself in that situation and having it feel normal to you. This is important. Realize that if you’re going to achieve this goal in reality, then it’s still you on the other side, with all your dorkiness coming along for the ride. It’s not your higher self or your ideal self. It’s just a slightly adjusted version of your normal, everyday self.

Try doing it like this. Imagine a scene that represents your goal. Now put your current self into that scene. This is the person you are right now, your normal self. Imagine yourself going through that scene as if it were completely real and happening right now. You just quantum leaped right into it. Do your best to imagine this not as a dream or fantasy, but as solid reality, like a real event that’s happening today, perhaps a few hours from now.

And:

The most important thing you can do to achieve a stretch goal is to deepen and clarify your understanding of the matching vibe. What will your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors be like when you’ve already achieved the goal? What kind of person will you be when you’re already there?

You can read the entire article here.

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Break the Chain

Steve Pavlina:

What’s the most important thing you want to do before you die?

Consider beginning sooner than you think is possible. If you delay for another day, you’ll very likely delay for another after that… and another… and another. You’ll reinforce the habit of delaying indefinitely, and your desire will probably never happen.

Break that chain by starting today. Just lean into the new possibility space with one 5-minute action. Then repeat the next day… and the next… and the next. Otherwise if you establish the pattern of delay, it will very likely stack right up to the moment of death.

If what’s most important to you has no actionable presence in your reality today, then it has no presence in your reality, not even in your future. That’s not entirely accurate of course since you always could do something later, but the bigger risk is conditioning the mental habit of telling yourself that you could do something later… right up to the point of death. It’s safer to begin stacking the important patterns into your life today.

Death can be one of life’s greatest teachers if you take it seriously. It’s one of reality’s best mechanisms for reminding us not to delay what matters to us.

Steve Jobs:

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

(…)

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

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Your Best Self

Steve Pavlina:

I often like to do a simple meditation where I visualize a room with two chairs facing each other. I imagine myself sitting in one chair, and I invite my highest and best self to sit in the other chair. Sometimes I invite my future self, the version of me that’s 5 years older. This works well either way, but lately I’ve been getting the best results by tuning into an alternate-reality version of my present self. His reality is the one in which I’m the happiest and most fulfilled. The most important element of this meditation is that I’m consulting with another version of myself that I feel is wiser in some way.

Then I imagine having a chat with my other self.

The main value in this exercise isn’t about getting specific answers to questions. The value lies in connecting with my true self and getting a better sense of who he really is. What kind of a man is he? What does he value most?

When I understand who my best self is, then I have a clearer sense of the man I wish to become. This understanding makes it easier to set good goals and intentions. When I set goals with this level of understanding, I’m more likely to follow through on them because they’re well aligned with the kind of man I most desire to be. They may be very difficult goals, but I’m less likely to experience self-doubt about my desire for them. I just know they’re right for me.

And:

My lower self likes to ask What should I do? But each time I ask that question, I get different answers, depending on which external influences happen to be the loudest or most infectious at that time.

I find that a better question to ask is: What would he do? where “he” refers to my best self.

When considering different possible paths, I can ask myself, Does this help me align more closely with my best self? If the answer is no or probably not, then I know it’s a path I should reject. If I pursue such a path, I won’t feel good about it, I’ll doubt myself often, and I’ll encounter a lot of resistance along the way. But if it’s a path that does align well with my higher self, then I tend to experience wonderful flow and fulfillment.

The key idea here is to set goals and intentions very carefully. You can waste a lot of time and suffer unnecessary frustration if you try to pursue a path that doesn’t align with the person you most desire to be.

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Obsession Is Your Only Option

James Altucher:

The obsessed person will beat out the non-obsessed person 100% of the time.

How come?

Because when you are obsessed you see every nuance. You learn from hundreds of mentors, real and virtual, you read every book, watch every video, you remember everything, you compare notes with everyone.

You are a cosmic sponge, soaking up all the information that others don’t see.

Steve Pavlina:

In a given week, where is your attention going? If you aren’t habitually obsessing over your goals, then what are you obsessing over instead?

Grant Cardone:

Your obsession is the most valuable tool you have to build the life you deserve and dream of.

Unfortunately, most people never figure out what they are really obsessed with, because they’ve been taught to deny their obsessions. Don’t let that be you. Find something, anything, that you are obsessed with. It doesn’t matter what it is right now, because you are just going to take the urges, momentum, and fixation on that thing and redirect them.

(…)

What matters at first is realizing you have the capacity to be obsessed.

And:

To have what you want in life, you must give yourself permission to throw yourself all in on your dreams. Make it clear to others that you are obsessed and that, though you would like their support, any expectations they may have of your staying where you are, settling for less than you dream, or being average will have to take a backseat.

Ask yourself, How far up can I go? How much more can I do? And most important, What do I want to become completely obsessed with that will lead to success?

Photo credit: ‘Mad Musk’ illustration by American AF

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Surprise Me

Derek Sivers:

A few times people have asked my advice on giving TED talks. And here it is, here is my advice in five seconds: cut out everything that isn’t suprising.

People watch TED talks in order to learn something. And if they’re not surprised, they’re not learning. If you’re just telling them, “Well, this, and I did this, and I grew up here…” You haven’t surprised them. You haven’t made their eyebrows go up. So they haven’t really learned anything.

Instead, look at whatever message you want to give, whatever story you want to tell, and then just erase every single line of it that isn’t surprising. And what you’re left with is a short, succint, surprising thing that someone can actually learn from.

That’s why my book is only 88 pages. It’s cause at every paragraph, I cut out everything that I felt other people say, that’s been heard before, that isn’t surprising… and I just focused only on the sentences, the paragraphs that were actually surprising.

Teller (Penn & Teller):

Here’s a compositional secret.

It’s so obvious and simple, you’ll say to yourself, “This man is bullshitting me.” I am not. This is one of the most fundamental things in all theatrical movie composition and yet magicians know nothing of it. Ready?

Surprise me.

Steve Pavlina:

If you do what people expect of you, you’re reinforcing the patterns they’ve already learned, so they won’t remember you. If people don’t remember you, they can’t refer anyone to you.

Expectations are always changing. Some of the things I did that violated expectations in the past would now be considered more commonplace. So you have to keep looking at what others are doing today — and then DON’T do what they’re doing! Do what others are unwilling or unable to do. If you wish to create work that stands out, you cannot attempt to fit in.

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Clarity

Steve Pavlina:

Clarity isn’t something that arrives from outside of you. Clarity isn’t a matter of luck either. Clarity is what you create for yourself.

Clarity is a decision.

Whatever degree of clarity you’re experiencing right now is what you’ve decided to create. Not deciding still counts as a decision; in that case it’s the decision to remain uncertain.

Clarity-boosting patterns:

Hanging out with clear, focused people who can tell you their purpose and direction
Living with people whose goals and values align well with yours
Feeding your mind with inspirational and motivational material like quality books and audio programs
Eating healthy, unrefined foods (especially fruits and veggies, fresh juices, and smoothies) that keep your mind sharp and alert
Avoiding stimulants that cause swings in your thoughts and emotions
Thinking about your goals and the next actions you can take today

On creating the vibe of clarity:

Clarity is a certain vibe. When you’re really clear, you can sense that vibe through every cell of your being. Your mind and emotions are centered. Every part of you is on the same page. There’s no doubt or uncertainty. This is a powerful state of being to experience.

Sit quietly for a few moments and imagine what it’s like to hold the vibe of total clarity. Imagine what your surroundings would look like if you were really clear about your direction in life right now. Imagine the people and circumstances that would be in your reality. Imagine how you’d dress, how you’d move, and how you’d communicate with others. Paint a vivid picture of a reality — any reality — in which you feel crystal clear about your direction in life.

What matters isn’t the specific visualization you create. What matters is the vibe you experience. You can imagine yourself as an ancient Roman conqueror as long as it helps you hold the vibe of clarity. Do this for at least 10-20 minutes per day until the clarity vibe feels normal and natural to you. The more you practice holding this vibe, the more clarity you’ll bring to the rest of your life and to all the decisions you make.

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Freedom from Your Past Self

Alan Watts:

You’re under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago.

Steve Pavlina:

I have the freedom to create a present moment that is disloyal to my past in a purely linear sense. I do not have to identify myself based on my history if I see that it no longer serves me to do so.

And:

You’re perfectly capable of defining, creating, and then holding a vibe that’s completely out of sync with your current physical reality. This is precisely what conscious growth is.

Many people seem to believe they can’t do this, but they can. You do it whenever you change the channel on the TV or switch to a different website. It’s as easy as pushing a button. You simply shift your attention from one experience to another.

This is how you shift from scarcity to abundance. Commit to leaving the whole scarcity movie behind. Ignore it completely. Change your attention channel to abundance.

When you walk out, feel free to make a stink about it: “Scarcity, you suck! Worst movie I’ve ever seen. So repetitive and boring. I want a refund. Zero stars!”

And:

Stop putting your attention on what you don’t want, and put your attention on what you do want. Acknowledge the reality you want to create more than the one you wish to leave behind.

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Prime Your Brain

Steve Pavlina on priming your brain:

Your brain is always bouncing around between linked associations. It does this in parallel, subconsciously, all the time. There are countless new neuroscience books sharing more and more details about how the brain does this. The simple truth is that the vast majority of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors occur without your conscious awareness or conscious involvement.

The lesson here is that seemingly subtle influences matter. If your senses perceive it, your brain is processing it. And this processing is seldom isolated. One little change in input can create significant ripples throughout your neural net. And this in turn can have a significant influence on the results you get to experience.

And:

Your brain is incredibly powerful — and highly programmable. Your brain is constantly being programmed by your environment. You may not be able to overpower your brain by conscious effort in this moment, but you can change its ongoing influences, starting today. Start feeding your mind new input that aligns with your desires. Trigger it to keep activating the associations you desire to activate most frequently. And remove those influences that you no longer wish to activate. If this means that you have to kick an overly negative person out of your life because they’re frequently priming you for negative thinking, then do that.

Don’t fret about what you can’t do yet. Think improvement, not perfection. You can always do something. So do that one thing now. Then make another improvement. And another. And all the while, you’ll be benefitting from the stacking improvements you’ve made previously. This will build momentum in a very positive direction.

See also: Daily Conditioning and Keep Going

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Delicious Outcomes

Steve Pavlina:

To this day I still have the habit of obsessively thinking about what I want. It’s like the opposite of depression. If I’m standing in line or driving in my car, my mind will just start roaming through all kinds of positive scenarios, envisioning one delicious outcome after another. If I want to consider what might go wrong, I have to sit down and think about that consciously, and even then it’s hard because my mind will habitually return to obsessing over how great everything will be.

And:

How do you establish the habit of thinking about what you want? First, do your best to catch yourself thinking about what you don’t want, and consciously stop and replace those thoughts with positive alternatives. It doesn’t matter if the alternatives are realistic or not. This is your imagination we’re talking about, so you’re free to dream up whatever crazy scenarios you like. All that matters is that you enjoy thinking about them. You don’t need to write them down or tell anyone about them. Just enjoy basking in their glow.

Secondly, set aside a few minutes each day to consciously think about positive outcomes. Allow yourself to dream. Imagine how your life could become even better. Do this when you’re driving — put a sticky note in your car with the word “Dream” to remind yourself. Do it when you’re standing in line. Do it when you’re lying in bed waiting to fall asleep. Eventually this will become a habit, and you’ll dream about what you want whenever you have a spare moment. Again, it doesn’t matter if you think these outcomes are possible or not. Just enjoy the positive energy you get from thinking about what you want, and also notice that you can apply that energy to improve your current practical results right here, right now.

And:

It doesn’t matter how much time and energy you’ve invested in this habit already, how many times you’ve tried to change and failed, or how adept you are at making excuses. You can still begin to pay attention to your thoughts and rechannel them in a more positive direction. You’re always free to dream. It may take weeks, months, or even years to reach the point of feeling consistently good about your life, but the time is going to pass anyway, so you may as well get started today.

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