It’s always been having for me — probably similar to you — always having the end of the movie in my head. And then filling in the script. So I knew I was going to leave there with a sale. I just had to write the script.
The script might change. There might be, you know, call an audible, and you might have to rewrite the script, but the end of the script was always the same.
I’m going to run a hundred miles.
Okay. Well, how are you gonna do that, Jesse? You’ve never — You’re not, like, a crazy endurance runner!
And so, the question isn’t ‘Will it be, will it be?’
Because it already is.
And the question isn’t, ‘Do I get to have it?’
Because it’s already yours.
The question is, ‘How can I, right now, feel that it’s there, rather than antagonize myself into feeling that it isn’t there? How can I trust, rather than doubt? How can I believe, rather than wonder? How can I know, rather than worry?’
And so, it’s an emotional game, it’s a vibrational game.
I became very aware of my relationship with time. When we think of relationships, we think of our relationships with our mom or our dad or our kids, or this and that, but no one thinks of a relationship with time.
Now, I’m turning 50. The average American lives to be 78 years old. So, if I’m average, I hope I’m not, but that means I got 28 years of life left. If you reverse engineer that… Like, I just climbed Mount Washington. There were no 70-year-olds climbing Mount Washington. The actual years that you have left to be active and do the shit that we want to do, they shrink significantly as a percentage as you get older.
So once you get aware of your relationship with time, everything shifts. I had a fundamental shift when I came home, as it relates to my relationship with time. Who I want to spend it with and what I want to do. And I want to put more on my plate of the stuff that I love to do, with the people I love to do it with.
And I started getting a lot of clarity around that when I wasn’t getting bombarded with everything else. Like, I don’t spend any time alone. The only I spent alone is if I go for a run. Everything else is… I’m getting influenced by everybody else and everything else. So I’m losing my main superpower, my instinct.
I survive on instinct and gut, and I was losing that, because I was so distracted. So once I started to get that alone time… You don’t have to go to a monastery to do it, you just gotta, you know… Carving out a little bit of time for myself, every day. I started to think a lot clearer on how do I want to live, how do I want to reverse engineer the rest of my life.
Breakthrough moments are often the result of many previous actions, which build up the potential required to unleash a major change. This pattern shows up everywhere. Cancer spends 80 percent of its life undetectable, then takes over the body in months. Bamboo can barely be seen for the first five years as it builds extensive root systems underground before exploding ninety feet into the air within six weeks.
Similarly, habits often appear to make no difference until you cross a critical threshold and unlock a new level of performance. In the early and middle stages of any quest, there is often a Valley of Disappointment. You expect to make progress in a linear fashion and it’s frustrating how ineffective changes can seem during the first days, weeks, and even months. It doesn’t feel like you are going anywhere. It’s a hallmark of any compounding process: the most powerful outcomes are delayed.
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
One of the pendulums’ favourite ways of gaining access to your energy is to throw you off balance. Once you have lost a sense of your own equilibrium you start to ‘wobble’ at the same frequency of the pendulum, thereby enabling it to sway more strongly.
The strongest string the pendulum can pull you with is fear, the most ancient and powerful of human emotions. It does not matter what exactly you are afraid of. If the fear is associated with any aspect of the pendulum it will receive your energy. Anxiety and worry are weaker emotions but still relatively effective puppet strings. These feelings are excellent at attuning thought energy to the frequency of a pendulum. If you are concerned about something you find it hard to focus on anything else.
The feeling of guilt is also one of the most extensive of channels through which the pendulum can pump your energy. Guilt is imposed on us from childhood and it is a convenient method of manipulation. “If you are guilty you must do what I say.” Guilt is hard to live with and so people try to get rid of it either via punishment or righting the wrong they have done. Both imply submission, obedience and a certain thought pattern. A sense of duty is a special type of guilt. To owe something means that you are in some way guilty and therefore obliged to do something. As a result, the guilty—both the truly guilty and the falsely accused—wander around with their heads hung low, paying tribute to the pendulum in the form of energy.
It is also worth mentioning the various psychological complexes people have. In the case of an inferiority complex the thoughts people have are: I’m not good-looking; I have no skills or talents; I’m not intelligent or sharp enough; I don’t know how to communicate with people; I’m not worthy. In the case of a guilt complex the thoughts are: I have done something wrong; everyone is judging me; I must carry my cross. In the warrior complex the thoughts go along the line of: I have to be cool; I declare war on myself and all around me; I will fight for my place under the sun; I claim my power. The thoughts of someone with the truth-lover complex go along the lines of: I’ll prove at any cost that I am right and prove to others that they are wrong. These and other complexes are the personal keys to the energy of different individuals. The pendulum strikes a chord and begins intensely draining that person’s energy.
Feelings and interests allow a person’s thoughs to be directed in a certain way. If a theme evokes neither interest nor emotion, then it is very difficult to focus on. Pendulums wound a person’s feelings or play on their needs in order to capture a flow of thought energy.
So just don’t focus on more than one desire at a time. The universe is rigged in such a way that if you just want one thing and you focus on that, you’ll get it. But everything else, you got to let go.
At the end of the day, I do think, even despite what I said earlier: life is really a single player game. It’s all going on in your head. You know, whatever you think, you believe, will very much shape your reality, both from what risks you take and what actions you perform, but also just your everyday experience of reality.
If you’re walking down the street and you’re judging everyone, you’re like, “I don’t like that person because their skin color, I don’t like that — Oh, she’s not attractive. That guy is fat. This person is a loser. Oh, who put this in my way.” You know, the more you judge, the more you’re going to separate yourself. And you’ll feel good for an instant because you’ll feel good about yourself. “I’m better than that.” But then you’re going to feel lonely. And then you’re just going to see negativity everywhere. The world just reflects your own feelings back at you.
Reality is neutral. Reality has no judgments. To a tree, there’s no concept of right or wrong or good or bad, right? You’re born, you have a whole set of sensory experiences and stimulations and lights and colors and sounds, and then you die. And how you choose to interpret, that is up to you. You do have that choice.
So this is what I meant, that happiness is a choice. If you believe it’s a choice, then you can start working on it. And I can’t tell you how to find it, because it’s your own conditionings that are making you unhappy. So you have to uncondition yourself. It’s just like, I can’t fix your eating habits for you. I can give you some general guidelines, but you got to go through the hard habit forming of how to eat right. But you have to believe it’s possible, and it is absolutely possible.
Good, it seems like you have made a breakthrough, that being that “you” are not what you think you are. “You” are the observer of the experience that your body is creating.
Buddhism has a couple of concepts that may help – no self – and dependent origination. No-self would be that there really is nothing that you can point to and say this is “you”. But you have a body, a mind you say? No, these things are “content” in your experience. “You” are the experiencer, you cannot be anything in the experience. And then one of the later realizations is that there is only experience, “you” are a perspective that the experience can be viewed.
A second idea is of dependent origination. The idea is that you believe you are a person. But there is nothing that is an individual thing, everything is created out of other things. You could say that “you” are the entirety of the universe as viewed from your unique perspective.
When you start building a skill, it’s like planting a seed. You may have to water it for a while before you see any results. But eventually you get a nice harvest that makes it all worthwhile.
What skills might you begin building today that could really come in handy 5-10 years from now?
Ten years might seem like a long time, but it doesn’t matter. That time is going to pass no matter what you do. It’s inevitable that you’ll find yourself there someday. When that day arrives, you’ll either have a decade of skill-building behind you, or you won’t. It’s up to you to decide which path you’ll take. If you don’t consciously commit to the path of skill-building, you settle for stagnation by default. Please don’t do that to yourself.